Strange things in the garden this year. First of all, I wrote about Prudence last week and from all accounts, she remains an only child. In June, I counted 15 pumpkin plants growing and now in August there is only Prudence. Fortunately, she is thriving. So where are all the pumpkins? There are plenty of flowers and loads and loads of bees. I know they are being pollinated. Speaking of, Paul and I are seriously thinking of getting honey bee hives. But, remember “seriously thinking” and actually doing are two different things. I have been “seriously thinking” of losing weight for years now.

We have lived in this house 31 years and this is the first time that our raspberries are being eaten by birds. They have never bothered with them before. And something is eating the strawberries. I can’t figure it out. But, when I do , watch out! Normally, we plant heavenly blue morning glories to surround our deck and this year has been the strangest year to date. The worst thing is there are no flowers. None. Nada. Zip. The second thing is the leaves have holes all over and are now turning yellow. Weird.

This is the first year we planted broccoli romesco. When I saw this plant in my spring seed catalogs I just knew I had to have it. It was such a beautiful vegetable, I didn’t even care what it tasted like, I just wanted it for the beauty factor. Except there are no heads at all. Just plants with big leaves. So what is that about?

I know I have to move my tomato plants next year, because like all stupid gardeners the world over, in the spring when there is a lot of room, I plant my seedlings too close together, not able to visualize what things will look like in August. I have tomato plants I can’t even get to because the pumpkin vines that were planted on the other side of the fence came up and over and are now threatening to kill us in in our sleep. Great, we will be murdered by pumpkin vines that aren’t able to produce pumpkins. Every gardeners worst nightmare!

Good news on the wisteria front. Here in the tundra we haven’t been able to grow wisteria, because, well, we live in the deep cold. Several years ago a new strain was developed to withstand our brutal winters. The problem was the plant was only available at one garden center to the tune of $75! Well, I wasn’t about to pay that much for a plant when lo and behold I found a guy on Craigslist who was selling cuttings of his. I bought it for $5 and it is thriving despite the rabbits doing their best to destroy it. But, I read that even though we can grow the vine it most likely will never flower. Yet, we have two flowers on ours! I can imagine the entire vine one day covered in these purple beauties. I hope the pumpkin vines don’t murder me before I am able to see the wisteria in full bloom!

I have never planted acorn squash before and I have a butt load of them. I am super excited because I adore squash. They are planted next to some of the pumpkins, so I have proof that the plants are being pollinated. And another cool thing is I know that I have three watermelon growing, which will also be a first, but, there are no cantaloupe. Odd.

The rabbits destroyed all my beans and peas. Three times. It is too hot for lettuce. But, the garlic has been harvested and looks good. Paul and I hardened it off and then spent an enjoyable morning cleaning and clipping. I love garlic.

Something is eating our potatoes, not a good thing. I need to sow beets for a late fall harvest. The brussel sprouts are tiny, I hope they continue to grow through October. We always wait for the first freeze before we harvest them, we love them for our Christmas dinner. I use a ton of butter when I cook them, that is why everyone eats them. They get a sprout with their butter!

And now for some tomato porn. I found two tomatoes on the ground. And both of them had penises. Yup. You read that right. I said to Paul: “Look, Paul, our tomatoes have penises!” He said they were noses. I beg to differ. I showed Britta and she said they were penises, without prompting. Others agreed they were noses, but, then my nephew, Noah, said they could be tails. What do you think?